And so I’m a GTD acolyte. Wish my luck, it’ll sure be interesting.


To those close to me, it’s no secret that I have been too close the wall for comfort the last couple of months. Since November I’ve tried to step down a bit, to sleep more and to relax. However, I’m getting more and more certain that this may not be enough.

For years I’ve known that the ambition driving me has been, and continues to be, fairly destructive. However, I’ve not seen any easy way out; this really is the only way I know of to be me. I’ve dreamt of getting to a point in life where I could stop, just sit down for as long as it takes until I’ve found a new way, a new contract with myself.

But now it seems the choice has been forced upon me.

So what to do?

I’ll start here. There’s three things I need to put down, objectives to aim for the next 6 month, goals to keep in sight for the long run, and a set of aphorisms to steer by. These lists will probably be updated and updated as I go on, but that’s the point.


  • Sleep more.
  • Get fit.
  • Sing more.


  • Get well (duh).
  • A new contract. I must be able to have ambitions and dreams without paying this kind of price. It would be nice to be content with what I am, instead of what I do, or even worse, what I could do.


  • Change “must” for “want to” or “would like to”.
  • Don’t be afraid to fail, or to appear weak; it’s only human.
  • Never delay tasks that take less than a minute to do (you do have the time).
  • Do stop and smell the flowers.

And I leave you tonight with a poem, in Swedish I’m afraid, that I remember from long time ago. This poem echoed in my soul once, to the point where I printed it on my first website. Perhaps it is time for me to see if I can find that young man, so desperate to sing, again.

‘Til next time, good night.

Jag har drömt… (Dan Andersson)
Jag har drömt jag skulle sjunga vad jag känner,
hur jag hatar, hur jag älskar, hur jag bannar, hur jag ber,
hur i vanvett jag flyr från mina vänner,
och i mörkret till den okände ber.

Jag har drömt att jag en visa skulle sjunga,
om alla själarnas fasor, alla himlarnas ljus,
om när all världen jag ser dansa och gunga
och darra i dåraktigt rus.

Jag har drömt, att när alla stjärnor skina,
över vildmark som viskar, vad i ensamheten hänt,
att alla vindar som kring tjärnlanden vina,
skulle lära mig att kväda vad jag känt.

Jag har drömt att en liten, liten kvinna,
skulle söva mig med visor, skulle smeka mig med skratt,
och när allt som jag byggt måste brinna,
skulle följa mig i elddopets natt.

Jag har tänkt att alla jagande åren,
som ha dödat det jag älskat, som ha stulit vad jag fått
skulle lära mig en visa om våren,
som har bott hos mig och bländat mig och gått.

Jag har trott att alla stormarna som rasat,
i min själ skulle blandas till en vansinnig sång.
Att där jag snavat över helvetet och fasat,
jag skulle lära mig dess visor en gång.

Men se mitt solur mot middagen skrider,
och aldrig har jag sjungit vad mitt hjärta har bett!
Skall jag sjunga först i dödsskuggans tider,
när det ändlösa mörkret jag har sett?

Skall jag leva tills jag lärt mig att smida
alla rosor, alla fasor till en levande ked,
som skall skälva som en rusig och glida
som en stråkton i dödsmörkret ned?

I’m a meat-eater. Never been anything else. I did have a vegetarian girlfriend once. The vegetarian and the carnivore. Didn’t last. I will try to buy ecologically sound meat though. Which for example has me worried a bit about tuna. And, if there existed a substitute I’d be all for it.

So… Perhaps it time for me to donate a bit to some of those who are actually trying to come up with something new.

Despite its popularity, meat — both in its production and in its consumption — has a number of adverse effects on human health, environmental quality, and animal welfare. These include: diseases associated with the over-consumption of animal fats; meat-borne pathogens and contaminants; antibiotic-resistant bacteria due to the routine use of antibiotics in livestock; inefficient use of resources in cycling grains and water through animals to produce protein; soil, air, and water pollution from farm animal wastes; and inhumane treatment of farm animals. As meat consumption continues to increase, worldwide, these problems are now a global concern.

I’m actually all for inhumane treatment of animals 😉 Cruelty though…

Oh, by the way: Read Existence is Wonderful regularly. It’s good.

At the turn of the year I weighted 93 kilos. That is simply too much, even for me. Sooo, time for a damn change! Here’s the current regime which I’ve been doing the last two weeks.

I’m trying not to starve myself. The goal is to eat normally, but less. And no fat. And not too much sugar. I’m no penalist here yet, I havn’t measured calories exactly. Yet. This is an aproximation of a day:

  • Morning: 2.5-3 dl soured milk (2.5% fat), muesli (no extra sugar), raisins. One slice of dark bread (no extra sugar or fat) with some light spread. 1.5-2 dl orange juice (no extra sugar).
  • Lunch: Normal, but low on calories. Salmon. Chicken. Rice. Etc.
  • Afternoon: A cup soup. A banana.
  • Evening: 2.5-3 dl soup (3.5 % fat, tomatoe, asparagous etc). One slice of dark bread with one slice of cheese.

I’m training in a four day cycle. Like this:

  • Day 1) 40 min bicycling. Modarate effort. 400 cal.
  • Day 2) Aprox 15 min rowing. Moderate effort. 150-200 cal. Light weight lifting. 100 cal?
  • Day 3) 40 min bicycling. Modarate effort. 400 cal.
  • Day 4) Rest.

Repeat ad infinitum. It is worth pointing out that I never train except on empty stomach – usually before the evening meal – in order to maximize burn rate.

Does it work? Well… I started two weeks ago at 93 kg. At the moment, I’m at 89.6 kg. More than a kilo per week. I’d call that a success. I’m now aiming for 78 kilos at the end of Mars. Wish me luck.