The Ironism

I took an important decision yesterday: I did not buy another electric bass! Although I really, really wanted to! Instead I bought some wine and whisky! Hurray!

Here:

• Mortlach 21 Years Old
• Dalwhinnie 15 Years Old

So, via Whiskyblog I hear that Bruichladdich is planning to rebuild the distillery in Port Charlotte, on the site of the old Lochindaal distillery. Although the entire machinery will come from the defunct Inverleven. In any case, another Islay distillery? Fungrim says hell yes!

Hm… Which reminds me, it’s high time I pay my first visit to Islay. Hm…

Item no. 1: Via Jim Downey at Unscrewing the Inscrutable, a perfect example on what religious law will give you. I imagine it wasn’t that much different in Europe some hundred years ago. This is the shit: a boy and a girl, walking together in public even though they were not yet married.

According to the Supreme Court’s earlier decision, the killers, who are members of the Basiji Force, volunteer vigilantes favored by the country’s supreme leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, and President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, considered their victims morally corrupt and, according to Islamic teachings and Iran’s Islamic penal code, their blood could therefore be shed.

The last victims, for example, were a young couple engaged to be married who the killers claimed were walking together in public.

Iran’s Islamic penal code, a parallel system to its civic code, says murder charges can be dropped if the accused can prove the killing was done because the victim was morally corrupt.

Item no. 2: It would seem that Einstein was probably right. If someone was wondering. And also note, nutcases, that this is science working, they’re still trying to find errors with his ideas. So if you think science is dogmatic and religious, well, show the religion where its members work their asses off trying to prove their profets wrong. Hm? No? Ok, then find out what the Gravity Probe B is. Go on. Its fascinating.

For some reason, this cheered me up to no end. Imagine a room full of confused bean-pushers: What do you mean “not maximizing revenue”?

Anyone really surprised? We all know god dislikes sex. Funny though, how abstinence education doesn’t work. I guess Satan,  the Intertubes and the Liberals have destroyed our children. Repent ye sinners. Repent I say!

So, last night I sang at a midnight mass together with St Jacobs Chamber Choir. The darkest night in the quiet week. Right in the plot, the longest dark, where our heroes seems doomed, with evil on all sides and no way out. And it struck me, forcefully, how self-centered and, here comes an ugly word indeed, whiny the religious angst is often portrayed, especially during passover.

(And with failed metaphors all around. How about this: the congregation gathered outside the church, in the graveyard, around a fire. After a few quiet words a large candle was lit, and carried at the head of a procession into the church. So far so good, eh? But what happens to the metaphor when the candle is blown out halfway? Hmmm?)

The theme of the night was of course angst and darkness. And so it has been for a while now. It’s like a big hammer swung by the church to keep the peasants in line. “You’re wretched creatures, you have no purpose in life except in Christ, you have no meaning in life except through Christ.” And so on. I remember, 17 years ago when I too really believed, that it had an impact. According to me at the time, people had existential angst all the time. (I loved Jean-Paul Sartre.) And they, the nameless sheep, rightly had angst because they were too far from god. Obvious isn’t it? And hang on, we shouldn’t be so fast slapping each others backs even if we’re Christians, we have angst too, we sit in the dark corners shuddering and only the light of Christ can save us. When the priests said things like, and this is an example from yesterday, “where do you go, what do you do, when the café latte have turned cold in your hands?”, I thought it true and manifestly profound.

But in reality, its only empty posturing.

Yesterday, for every metaphor and every story weaknesses popped out of the bare walls of the place. Is your latte cold? Well mate, let that be the most of your worries. Personally I’d go to the nearest microwave oven and heat it. And what of the terrible story you told us last night, including bloody details, of “we can call her Tanni” who is now being refused permanent citizenship in Sweden and is being sent back to the country where she was repeatedly tortured? The story of is “we can call her Tanni” is horrible, and we should be rightly ashamed that it happends on our watch, but did you offer anything concrete, anything tangible we can do to make it better? No. Did you offer any plausible explanation on why she’s being refused? No. Did you in fact, use her misery only to depress us, swing her story like a so gory hammer on our heads, forcing home you message of darkness, depression and angst? Yes. And damn disgusting it is mate. You see, you can keep you blood and damnation, here’s my suggestion to you: instead of gathering the sheep in a cold dark church to no readily discernible purpose at all, you could have stayed home and made love with your wife, you could have held each other warm against the darkness tapping your window. And then, afterwards, you could have sent 100SEK, a small sum indeed for 99.9% of anyone who was in church last night in Sweden, to charity. A tiny token of your love and gratitude for all you have been given. Imagine how much money it would be if everyone had done that, instead of rolling in you mass-produced misery, like so many Stockholm-syndrome sufferers with fat wallets? How many “we can call her Tanni” could we have actually helped with such a small gesture?

Every time a child is saved by the doctors, from an accident that only 20 years ago would have been lethal, we should celebrate. For every “we can call her Tanni” that is given a new chance, a chance that 100 years ago would not have existed, we should celebrate. Every time we solve a conflict at the diplomacy table instead of the battle field, we should celebrate. Every time the sun shines on our, frankly rather privileged, faces, we should celebrate. In fact, we should celebrate and then go out and do something practical, something with our hands or our words, to help those less privileged.

You can keep you bleak, angst-ridden narcissism for yourself.

There’s only one Norma in my mind. I’m not an opera expert, I’m sure Callas did a great job of it, but I doubt this particular role will ever be the same for me. You see, I have this performance on DVD. And… Watching Casta Diva nearly brought me to tears, which is a rare thing indeed. If you’re one of those that scoff at Caballé, having never heard her in her prime, listen to this, listen to the entire piece and marvel at the end notes that never seem to stop.

Theatre Antique d’Orange, 1974, and the mistral is blowing (as you can see), the audience is screaming (as would I). A magic night. A magic Caballé. Damn, I love that lady.

Yes, we know. Although t-shirt hell said it better, in a shirt which isn’t in stock any more: If I can build a computer I can make you cum.

Tonight the firebird will rise from the ashes, spring will come again and the son be reborn. Funky stuff. Although, as folk tales go, the execution of Christ seems rather unimpressive. And illogical too, I mean, how on earth is that supposed to save us? And lets see, Jesus gets one day of torment and one day of death and then he’s up to heaven and then it’s wine and virgins all day again. On the other hand, Judas who acts out Gods divine plan, gets to take his life in remorse and then spend eternity in hell. And I’m supposed to pity Jesus and revile Judas? Yeah, right.

Doesn’t seem very profound does it?

Even Frankensteins monster managed to rise from the dead. Certainly gods have been doing it all the time. And will mot likely continue to do so for a while yet. Here, for example, is what Mr Wednesday learnt, swinging from the tree:

“I know a charm that can cure pain and sickness, and lift the grief from the heart of the grieving.
   ”I know a charm that will heal with a touch.
   ”I know a charm turn aside the weapon of any enemy.
   ”I know another charm to free myself from all bonds and locks.
   ”A fifth charm: I can catch an arrow in flight and take no harm from it.
   ”A sixth: spells sent to hurt me will only hurt the sender.
   ”A seventh charm I know: I can quench a fire simply by looking at it.
   ”An eight: if any man hates me, I can win his frindship.
   ”A ninth: I can sing the wind to sleep and calm a storm for long enough to bring a ship to shore.
   ”These were the first nine charms I learned. Nine night I hung on the base tree, my side pierced with a spear’s point. I swayed and blew in the cold winds and the hot winds, without food, without water, a sacrifice of myself to myself, and the worlds opened before me.
   ”For a tenth charm, I learned to dispel witches. to spin them around in the skies so that they will never find their way back to their own door again.
   ”An eleventh: if I sing it when a battle rages it can take the warriors through the tumult unscathed and unhurt, and bring them safely back to their hearths and their homes.
   ”A twelfth charm I know: if I see a hanged man I can bring him down from the gallows to whisper to us all he remembers.
   ”A thirteenth: if I sprinkle water on a childs head, that child will not fall in battle.
   ”A fourteenth. I know the names of all the gods. Every damned one of them.
   ”A fifteenth: I have a dream of power, of glory, and of wisdom, and I can make people believe my dreams.
   ”A sixteenth charm I know: if I need love I can turn the mind and heart of any woman.
   ”A seventeenth, that no woman I want will ever want another.
   ”And I know an eighteenth charm, and that charm is the greatest of all, and that charm I can tell to no man, for a secret that no one knows but you is the most powerful secret there can ever be.”

As easter is… semi-important for the Christians among us, I thought it prudent to do a few more posts than usual these days. If nothing else, there’s so much one can make fu… comment on.

So here’s some etymology for you reading pleasure.

Swedish word “påsk” seems taken straight from the Christian school books. As many other languages it stems from “pesach” which is hebrew for “passover”, the Jewish feast celbrating the exodus from Egypt, and is seen in early swedish as “paach”, “pach”, “pask”, “posk” etc.

The English word is a bit more fun. In popular science it seems fairly established that the word “easter” stems from Eostre, an Anglo-Saxon goddess of spring. However, in reality things arn’t always that clear. Eostre is first mentioned by St. Bede in his De temporum ratione. Jacob Grimm (of the Grimm brothers) took it up. And so it goes. But there’s no earlier mentioning of Eostre we can find, so possible Bede was incorrect. On the other hand, why would a Christian scholar like him make up a pagan goddess? And there is also the etymology, German “ostern” has been suggested as a root, but then, it might as well be the other way around.

In any case, that easter is modelled on top of an older holy day shoudn’t surprise anyone. The list of gods and goddesses preceeding Christianity is quite long. The execution of Christ takes place in the Passover. His birth is funnily enough in midwinter. I’m just surprised there isn’t a major Christian celebration at midsummer as well.

So there you go dear English readers. Eggs, spring flowers, young flesh. You’re celebrating the goddess of the dawn, fertility and re-growth. Don’t let the priests tell you differently.